Both of you can download User patch. http://userpatch.aiscripters.net/
Then, the population options should extend far beyond 200 and you can select team random (which will randomly select the same civs for both teams)
Alternatively bot of you can download the forgotten empires expansion http://www.forgottenempires.net/install
That too has the same options as well as 5 new civillizations and maps.
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