Here I've come up with a list of ways that players we fondly call "noobs" can become better at AoC.
1. Freeze all expert and pro players in cryogenic freezing chambers and wait for the noobs to improve.
The proposition is to take all pro and expert AoC players and have them placed in a clandestine lab where they will be frozen for 5 years. This unilaterally implemented playing field nerf will be intentionally tantamount to a free Viking wheelbarrow, only this will be like a free wheelbarrow for noobs. And the five year freezing period will be the three villagers for the experts/pros.
2. Send all noobs to a noob boot camp.
With this option, a small sized warehouse could be converted into an internet gaming cafe. All noobs would be rounded up and taken to this clandestine location, where they will play one another round-the-clock, 1v1 and teamgames. But if they make mistakes, they suffer dire consequences. Idle villager? Hang that noob upside down by his feet from a rope hanging from the roof of the warehouse, where he will have to jovially repeat military march sound offs about his inadequacy to make use of the space bar and the eco mini-map mode. Scout died under the towncenter? Well that sad sack noob maggot's gonna really have his work cut out for him as the ass-end of a makeshift horse costume, assigned to be shared with another unfortunate noob as they attempt to surpass an obstacle course filled to the brim with bear traps, land mines, wild dogs, tesla coils, and a collapsible pit leading to an acid bath made of the collective acidified snark of the AoC community.
3. Expert and pro players let the noobs win
This option I feel is the most philanthropic and humane of the bundle. Simply put, higher level players can just decide to do the "compassionate" and "decent" thing and give free points to noob players, which by all terms could be thought of as the "unfortunate". This could perhaps give a noob player that needed ego boost to up his game to the next level (15++) by watching recorded games to relive their glory minutes and meanwhile omitting what the expert players "let" them do in the games. This will of course help to explain any noob's scintillating 45+ minute boom to imperial age time, which will informally and statistically be referred to as their "handicap" for future games vs experts. The expert player may also agree to play with no hotkeys, and blind-folded if necessary.
4. Send all the noobs on a field trip to Mount Rushmore
There in the goliath presence of the mountain-etched faces of former men of the Oval Office, the noobs may be induced to inspiration to reflect upon these presidents' deeds and their sworn oaths to fulfilling their duties as presidents, and by implications therein, not to suck.
5. Boost the default rate of noob players substantially
This last proposal would effectively reset the rates of all players rated below 1600 and give them a default rating of 1800. This would work as a placebo effect (see #3 also) that would allow a noob player to think they've advanced forward, if not through actual skill-based accomplishments, then purely through arrogance and vanity alone, with sexy results.
These are just a few suggestions I've carefully pondered and masterfully composed now as a ghost in the years since my untimely death. Other suggestions like these are forthwith encouraged! for the betterment of all the community! nay! for the greater good of all humankind!
Posthumously and Operatically yours community,
Pavarotti
1. Freeze all expert and pro players in cryogenic freezing chambers and wait for the noobs to improve.
The proposition is to take all pro and expert AoC players and have them placed in a clandestine lab where they will be frozen for 5 years. This unilaterally implemented playing field nerf will be intentionally tantamount to a free Viking wheelbarrow, only this will be like a free wheelbarrow for noobs. And the five year freezing period will be the three villagers for the experts/pros.
2. Send all noobs to a noob boot camp.
With this option, a small sized warehouse could be converted into an internet gaming cafe. All noobs would be rounded up and taken to this clandestine location, where they will play one another round-the-clock, 1v1 and teamgames. But if they make mistakes, they suffer dire consequences. Idle villager? Hang that noob upside down by his feet from a rope hanging from the roof of the warehouse, where he will have to jovially repeat military march sound offs about his inadequacy to make use of the space bar and the eco mini-map mode. Scout died under the towncenter? Well that sad sack noob maggot's gonna really have his work cut out for him as the ass-end of a makeshift horse costume, assigned to be shared with another unfortunate noob as they attempt to surpass an obstacle course filled to the brim with bear traps, land mines, wild dogs, tesla coils, and a collapsible pit leading to an acid bath made of the collective acidified snark of the AoC community.
3. Expert and pro players let the noobs win
This option I feel is the most philanthropic and humane of the bundle. Simply put, higher level players can just decide to do the "compassionate" and "decent" thing and give free points to noob players, which by all terms could be thought of as the "unfortunate". This could perhaps give a noob player that needed ego boost to up his game to the next level (15++) by watching recorded games to relive their glory minutes and meanwhile omitting what the expert players "let" them do in the games. This will of course help to explain any noob's scintillating 45+ minute boom to imperial age time, which will informally and statistically be referred to as their "handicap" for future games vs experts. The expert player may also agree to play with no hotkeys, and blind-folded if necessary.
4. Send all the noobs on a field trip to Mount Rushmore
There in the goliath presence of the mountain-etched faces of former men of the Oval Office, the noobs may be induced to inspiration to reflect upon these presidents' deeds and their sworn oaths to fulfilling their duties as presidents, and by implications therein, not to suck.
5. Boost the default rate of noob players substantially
This last proposal would effectively reset the rates of all players rated below 1600 and give them a default rating of 1800. This would work as a placebo effect (see #3 also) that would allow a noob player to think they've advanced forward, if not through actual skill-based accomplishments, then purely through arrogance and vanity alone, with sexy results.
These are just a few suggestions I've carefully pondered and masterfully composed now as a ghost in the years since my untimely death. Other suggestions like these are forthwith encouraged! for the betterment of all the community! nay! for the greater good of all humankind!
Posthumously and Operatically yours community,
Pavarotti